Two Sardarji walked toward each other on a country road.
One carried a burlap bag over his shoulder.
"Hey Bhai," first Sardarji drawled, "what`s in the bag?"
"Chickens," was the reply. "If I guess how many, can I have one?"
"You can have both of them."
The Sardarji replied "OK, Five
A Sardar is at the railway station. He asks one of the railway attendants "When will the Rajdhani Express go from here?". And the man replies 12.30.
"When will Punjab Express go from here"?
Man Replies 10.30.
"When will Deccan Queen go from here"?
Man Replies 12.30.
Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to Punjab by train or not. Sardar replies, "NO. I only wanted to cross the tracks!"
A Sardar is visiting Mumbai. This is his first time to the city, so he wants to see the Gateway of India. He asks a Hawaldaar (police officer) for directions.
"Excuse me Hawaldaar," the Sardar says, "How do I get to the Gateway of India?"
The Hawaldaar says, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 123 bus. It`ll take you right there."
The Sardar thanks the officer and waits at the bus stop. Three hours later the Hawaldaar comes back to the same area, and sure enough, the Sardar is still waiting at the same bus stop. He gets out off his motorcycle and says, "Excuse me, but to get to the Gateway of India, I said to wait here for the number 123 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
The Sardar says, "Don`t worry, it won`t be long now. The 86th bus just went by!"
Once a Sardarji was traveling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees , the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.
Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror said his wife “What’s the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else."
A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he`s in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes!
After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to `sardars` in his joke with `Biharis`. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"
Pyaaaray Puttar,
Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I know you can`t read fast. We don`t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won`t be able to give you the address as the last sardar who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn`t have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I`m not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I haven`t seen them since.
The weather here isn`t too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send with all the buttons in the mail, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don`t make the last payment on grandma`s funeral, she will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning, I haven`t found out whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don`t know whether you are an uncle or an aunty.
Your Uncle Jatinder fell into a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out- he rolled the window down and swam to safety. The other two friends drowned as the couldn`t get the gate down.
There isn`t much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
P.S. - I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed
Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a subject on which no one did any research before!
As he was thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in from of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach.
He picked the roach and put it in the center of the table and said: "Run". The roach ran.
He pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in the center of the table and said: "Run". The roach ran.
He pulled one more leg of the roach, put it again in the center of the table and said: "Run". The roach ran. This way the roach tried to run even when it had just one leg.
He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the center of the table and said: "Run". The roach could not!
Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear anymore".
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things with you?). Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!) |
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes
to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies
his ticket number.
The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs. The man replied,
"No, sir. It doesn`t work that way. We give you one
lakh today and then you`ll get the rest spread out for
the next 19 weeks. "
The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now!
I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh
that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks.
The Sardar, furious with the man,
screams out, "Look, I want my money!
If you`re not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now,
then I want my five rupees back!"Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugar box. Looks
inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff.
Wife asks : Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
1st: Jab phatake phut te hai to Pahle light dhekhai deti
hai phir awaz, aisa kyon ?
Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don`t know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa."
Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don`t know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don`t know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."
This catches Santa`s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What`s the distance from the earth to the moon?"
Santa doesn`t say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour,
he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what`s the answer?"
Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.
1) You should be sure the person is Sardar when,
2) He puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to
makeup his mind.
3) Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
4) Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
5) Tries to drown a fish in waters.
6) Thinks socialism means partying.
7) Trips over a cordless phone.
8) Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
9) At the bottom of the application where it says
"Sign Here" he puts "Capricon."
10)Studies for a blood test and fails. sells the car
for gas money.
11)Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
12)Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,
"Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
A sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, `What is that shiny object?`
The clerk replies, `That is a thermos flask.`
The sardar then asks, `What does it do?`
The clerk responds, `It keeps hot things hot and it
keeps cold things cold.`
The sardar says, `I`ll take it!`
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks,
`What is that shiny object with you?`
He said, `It`s a thermos flask.`
The boss then says, `What does it do?`
He replies,
`It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.`
The boss said, `Wow, what do you have in it?`
The sardar replies, `Two cups of coffee and a coke.`A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key
West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the
road, they`re too tired to continue, and they decide
to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and
take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four
hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk
hands them a bill for 350. The Sardarji explodes and
demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells
the clerk although it`s a nice hotel, the rooms
certainly aren`t worth $350. When the clerk tells
him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on
speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens
to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has
an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center
that were available for the husband and wife to use.
But we didn`t use them", the Sardarji complains.
Well, they are here, and you could have," explains
the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have
taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is
famous. "The best entertainers from New York,
Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,"
the Manager says.
But we didn`t go to any of those shows,"
sardarji complains again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager
replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions,
the sardarji replies "But we didn`t use it".
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji
finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check
and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.
"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for
$100." "That`s right," says the sardarji,
"I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn`t!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here,
and you could have."
| Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?" The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn`t riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too. |
A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key
West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the
road, they`re too tired to continue, and they decide
to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and
take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four
hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk
hands them a bill for 350. The Sardarji explodes and
demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells
the clerk although it`s a nice hotel, the rooms
certainly aren`t worth $350. When the clerk tells
him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on
speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens
to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has
an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center
that were available for the husband and wife to use.
But we didn`t use them", the Sardarji complains.
Well, they are here, and you could have," explains
the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have
taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is
famous. "The best entertainers from New York,
Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,"
the Manager says.
But we didn`t go to any of those shows,"
sardarji complains again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager
replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions,
the sardarji replies "But we didn`t use it".
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji
finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check
and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.
"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for
$100." "That`s right," says the sardarji,
"I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn`t!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here,
and you could have."
A sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, `What is that shiny object?`
The clerk replies, `That is a thermos flask.`
The sardar then asks, `What does it do?`
The clerk responds, `It keeps hot things hot and it
keeps cold things cold.`
The sardar says, `I`ll take it!`
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks,
`What is that shiny object with you?`
He said, `It`s a thermos flask.`
The boss then says, `What does it do?`
He replies,
`It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.`
The boss said, `Wow, what do you have in it?`
The sardar replies, `Two cups of coffee and a coke.`A sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, `What is that shiny object?`
The clerk replies, `That is a thermos flask.`
The sardar then asks, `What does it do?`
The clerk responds, `It keeps hot things hot and it
keeps cold things cold.`
The sardar says, `I`ll take it!`
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks,
`What is that shiny object with you?`
He said, `It`s a thermos flask.`
The boss then says, `What does it do?`
He replies,
`It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.`
The boss said, `Wow, what do you have in it?`
The sardar replies, `Two cups of coffee and a coke.`Sardar ji visits his Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Sardar ji goes 2 China 2 find meaning of his friends
last words.
Four sardars(friends) were going on their journey. In the way they heard the voice of a fire.
1st sardar asked to 2nd, " you got injured with the bullet, 2nd sardar told to 1st that he hadn `t then 1st sardar asked same thing to the 3rd and 4th sardar but they also gave him same reply. Then he said thats mean i got injured and laid down."
Sardar comes back 2 his car amp; find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 complement"
*****************************************************
How do you recognize a Sardar in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
*****************************************************
Once a Sardar was walking he had a gloves on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
*****************************************************
A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says
"Hello, how did you know I was here?"
*****************************************************
Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalanda r to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn`t reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?" (What Happened, My Son?) The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward,but only one for going back!)
*****************************************************
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the d ealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.
`But I think I know where I`m going wrong,` said Santa, `I think I`m planting them too deep.`
*****************************************************
Sardar-why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
*****************************************************
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
*****************************************************
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote : Yes!
*****************************************************
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant:It"s already raining. Sardar: So what? take an umbrella and go.
*****************************************************
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs.20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.
*****************************************************
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
*****************************************************
Sardar`s wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
*****************************************************
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror.
*****************************************************
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I`m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can`t read very fast.
*****************************************************
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
*****************************************************
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
*************************************************************
| A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don`t know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep. The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don`t know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don`t know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the Sardarji`s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The American asks the first question: "What`s the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Sardarji doesn`t say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American. "Okay," says the American, "your turn". He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer amp; searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500. The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what`s the answer?" Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep. |
1st: Jab phatake phut te hai to Pahle light dhekhai deti
hai phir awaz, aisa kyon ?
Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs
tree, sits on the branch.
regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardar:"I`ve
been promoted as branch manager."
A Sardar and his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How`ll U divide, U` VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR.Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an what would you have liked to hear them say about you?` The first guy says, `I would liked to hear them say The second guy says, `I would have liked to hear them The last guy, a sardarji replies after much thought, LOOK, HE`S MOVING!` |
1) You should be sure the person is Sardar when,
2) He puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to
makeup his mind.
3) Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
4) Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
5) Tries to drown a fish in waters.
6) Thinks socialism means partying.
7) Trips over a cordless phone.
8) Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
9) At the bottom of the application where it says
"Sign Here" he puts "Capricon."
10)Studies for a blood test and fails. sells the car
for gas money.
11)Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
12)Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,
"Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don`t know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa."
Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don`t know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don`t know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."
This catches Santa`s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What`s the distance from the earth to the moon?"
Santa doesn`t say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour,
he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what`s the answer?"
Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.
All I Need is a Miracle
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie`s lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it. Lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope. Due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So, what`ll it be?"
The woman didn`t hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I`m good, but not THAT good! I don`t think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute. She said, "Well, I`ve been trying to find the right husband. You know, one that`s considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, has a great sense of humor and gets along with my family, doesn`t watch sports all the time and is faithful. That`s what I wish for. A good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again."
Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft.
A few days later he got this reply:-
“Dear Mr. Singh,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks”
Santa Singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a party and when all the guests had come,
he said “Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar Khushi hogee ki mujhay Amrika mein Naukri Mil Gayee hai.”
Everyone was delighted. Santa Singh continued, “Ab main aap sab ko apnaa Appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa, par letter English main hai Isliyen saath-saath Hindi main Translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.”
” Dear Mr. Singh —–> pyare singh sahab
You do not meet —-> aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement —-> humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondence —-> ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.
No phone call —-> phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained —-> bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks —-> aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya”
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometres a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos.
At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
“What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.
“I’m 2400 kms from home.”
