Intelligent Sardar mil gayaaaa....

A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key
West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the
road, they`re too tired to continue, and they decide
to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and
take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four
hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk
hands them a bill for 350. The Sardarji explodes and
demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells
the clerk although it`s a nice hotel, the rooms
certainly aren`t worth $350. When the clerk tells
him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on
speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens
to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has
an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center
that were available for the husband and wife to use.

But we didn`t use them", the Sardarji complains.

Well, they are here, and you could have," explains
the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have
taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is
famous. "The best entertainers from New York,
Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,"

the Manager says.

But we didn`t go to any of those shows,"
sardarji complains again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager
replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions,
the sardarji replies "But we didn`t use it".

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji
finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check
and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.
"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for
$100." "That`s right," says the sardarji,

"I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn`t!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here,
and you could have."

Sardarji does some Shopping !!

A sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, `What is that shiny object?`

The clerk replies, `That is a thermos flask.`
The sardar then asks, `What does it do?`

The clerk responds, `It keeps hot things hot and it
keeps cold things cold.`

The sardar says, `I`ll take it!`

The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks,
`What is that shiny object with you?`

He said, `It`s a thermos flask.`

The boss then says, `What does it do?`

He replies,
`It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.`

The boss said, `Wow, what do you have in it?`

The sardar replies, `Two cups of coffee and a coke.`

Sardarji does some Shopping !!

A sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, `What is that shiny object?`

The clerk replies, `That is a thermos flask.`
The sardar then asks, `What does it do?`

The clerk responds, `It keeps hot things hot and it
keeps cold things cold.`

The sardar says, `I`ll take it!`

The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks,
`What is that shiny object with you?`

He said, `It`s a thermos flask.`

The boss then says, `What does it do?`

He replies,
`It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.`

The boss said, `Wow, what do you have in it?`

The sardar replies, `Two cups of coffee and a coke.`

Sardarji`s Chinese Friend

Sardar ji visits his Chinese friend dying in hospital.

Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.

Sardar ji goes 2 China 2 find meaning of his friends
last words.

It is `U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"

Four Sardars

Four sardars(friends) were going on their journey. In the way they heard the voice of a fire.

1st sardar asked to 2nd, " you got injured with the bullet, 2nd sardar told to 1st that he hadn `t then 1st sardar asked same thing to the 3rd and 4th sardar but they also gave him same reply. Then he said thats mean i got injured and laid down."

Sardar Ji Returns

Sardar comes back 2 his car amp; find a note saying "Parking Fine"

He Writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 complement"

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How do you recognize a Sardar in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

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Once a Sardar was walking he had a gloves on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

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A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says

"Hello, how did you know I was here?"

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Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalanda r to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.

After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn`t reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?" (What Happened, My Son?) The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward,but only one for going back!)

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Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the d ealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.

`But I think I know where I`m going wrong,` said Santa, `I think I`m planting them too deep.`

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Sardar-why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

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Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.

Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

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Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote : Yes!

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Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant:It"s already raining. Sardar: So what? take an umbrella and go.

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Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs.20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.

Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.

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Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet

Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

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Sardar`s wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

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Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror.

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Sardar was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?

Sardar: "I`m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can`t read very fast.

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Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

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A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".

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Smart Sardarji

A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don`t know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep. The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don`t know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don`t know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the Sardarji`s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The American asks the first question: "What`s the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Sardarji doesn`t say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American. "Okay," says the American, "your turn". He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer amp; searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500. The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what`s the answer?" Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep.

Sardar Commit Suicide

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things with you?). Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!)

Sardar Test

A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become
detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first Singh answers, "That`s easy, we`ll catch him fast because he only
has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh.. .that`s because the picture I
showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, "This is your suspect, how
would you recognize him?"
The second Singh smiles and says, "Ha! He`d be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
"What`s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are
showing because it`s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Singh
and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The Singh
looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears
contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really doesn`t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well,
that`s an
interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and
I`ll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his
office,checks the suspect`s file in his computer, and comes back with a
beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can`t believe it. It`s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation? "
"That`s easy," the Singh replied. "He can`t wear regular glasses because he
only has one eye and one ear."

2 Sardars Discussing

1st: Jab phatake phut te hai to Pahle light dhekhai deti
hai phir awaz, aisa kyon ?

2nd: Kyonki hamari aankh aage hai aur kaan piche

Well Groomed Sardar ji

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs
tree, sits on the branch.

regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardar:"I`ve
been promoted as branch manager."

Divorce Application

A Sardar and his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.

Judge asked: How`ll U divide, U` VE 3 children?

Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR.

3 Desi`s after Death

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. God asks all of them, `When you are lying there after the accident and friends and family are mourning and crying, what would you have liked to hear them say about you?` The first guy says, `I would liked to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.` The second guy says, `I would have liked to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference, in children of tomorrow.` The last guy, a sardarji replies after much thought, `I would have liked to hear them say... LOOK, HE`S MOVING!`

Signs of a Sardar

1) You should be sure the person is Sardar when,

2) He puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to
makeup his mind.

3) Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

4) Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.

5) Tries to drown a fish in waters.

6) Thinks socialism means partying.

7) Trips over a cordless phone.

8) Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

9) At the bottom of the application where it says
"Sign Here" he puts "Capricon."

10)Studies for a blood test and fails. sells the car
for gas money.

11)Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.

12)Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,
"Airport left", he turns around and goes home.

13)Gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

You Thought Sardars Are Dumb

Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don`t know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa."

Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don`t know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don`t know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."

This catches Santa`s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What`s the distance from the earth to the moon?"

Santa doesn`t say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour,
he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what`s the answer?"

Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.

I Want A Good Husband

All I Need is a Miracle

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie`s lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it. Lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope. Due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So, what`ll it be?"

The woman didn`t hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I`m good, but not THAT good! I don`t think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute. She said, "Well, I`ve been trying to find the right husband. You know, one that`s considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, has a great sense of humor and gets along with my family, doesn`t watch sports all the time and is faithful. That`s what I wish for. A good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again."

Sardar at NASA

NASA was getting ready to launch a very important
space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and
double checked everything to make sure that things are fine.
However, on the day of our launch, something seemed
to be wrong. The rocket gave all sorts of noise but never
took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were
puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.
Finally, there was an Sardar who offered
to help. They NASA people were desperate by that time and
agreed to do anything.
"Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right" said the
Indian scientist. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway.
"Bring it back to vertical position" the Sardar said.
The engineers did.
"Now start the engines" he said. And surprise, the
rocket took off and flew into outer space!
Everybody congratulated him and asked him how he knew
what to do. He replied -
"It is very simple. This is what we always do with our
Bajaj scooters in India".

Sardar Jokes : Santa got a appointment letter from Microsoft !!

Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft.

A few days later he got this reply:-

“Dear Mr. Singh,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks”

Santa Singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a party and when all the guests had come,
he said “Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar Khushi hogee ki mujhay Amrika mein Naukri Mil Gayee hai.”
Everyone was delighted. Santa Singh continued, “Ab main aap sab ko apnaa Appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa, par letter English main hai Isliyen saath-saath Hindi main Translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.”

” Dear Mr. Singh —–> pyare singh sahab

You do not meet —-> aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement —-> humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondence —-> ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.

No phone call —-> phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained —-> bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks —-> aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya”

Sardar Jokes : Sardarji doing weight loss program …

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometres a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos.

At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.

“What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.

“I’m 2400 kms from home.”

Sardar jokes : Sardarji as cricketer

Sardarji is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening batsman. He opens the batting against West Indies. He is asked to face the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar as the non-striker!).
From Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest… First ball : Whizzes past Sardarji’s off-stump. Sardarji doesn’t move an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper.
Second ball : Goes right over the Sardarji’s bat and just over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps. Sardarji is again unmoved.
Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost decapitates the Sardarji, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Sardarji doesn’t move a muscle.
Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Sardarji again doesn’t move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper. But this time, the umpire shouts “No Ball!”
Sardarji walks upto the umpire and tells him, “So you discovered it now? You see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his hand!”

Sardar jokes : Two Sardarji on Interview

santa and Banta r two friends and Santa singh has very good job. Banta singh is jobless and one day asks Santa for some good Job.
Santa singh says , OK next time we will apply together and they do. On interview day, santa singh says, first i will go inside and answer all questions except last one, and after coming out, i would give u the all answers and questions. So u go and then answer there. U will get the Job.
So, Santa goes in.
EMPLOYER When we got independence?
SANTA Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER Good. Who is our PM?
SANTA It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER OK. What’s India’s population?
SANTA(He was not to reply last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.
Now he comes out and tell questions and answers to Banta Singh.
Banta singh was real SARDAR and he remembers all answers and forgot questions.
He goes in Now.
EMPLOYER When were u born?
BANTA Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER What???? Who is your father?
BANTA It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER Are u Mad Mr. Banta?
BANTA Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.